Dating Sucks.

“Did I think that a man would like me more if I was stupid?”


So first of all I’m stoned and I just went on a really shitty date. What a waste of a fucking night. Anyways…

We went to dinner. The conversation was bad. This was our third date but it was the worst. We shared a milkshake which was pretty cute.

He was supposed to come home with me. We had discussed even before the date that I wanted him to come over. We had already slept together once.

We went up to my apartment and we could hear that there were people talking inside. He freaked out. I was like, “are you coming or not?” He hesitated so I said, “Alright just go home then.” So he did.

Like I said…waste of a fucking night.

The reason I wanted to write about this was not about how shitty the date was but more about something I realized about my behavior on the date.

I kept calling myself stupid. I called myself “stupid” and “dumb” multiple times.

Why the fuck would I call myself stupid? I don’t think I’m stupid. I don’t think that people think I’m stupid. I’m not a rocket scientist but I am a smart person.

Did I think that a man would like me more if I was stupid?

For some context: he is a “machine learning engineer”, basically he programs artificial intelligence robots. I work in sales. He would tell me about his job and my socialized ass was trying to somehow compliment him by putting myself down?

Not sure what’s up with that but I’m going to make sure I don’t do that ever again. I don’t want men to think I’m stupid, I don’t want to be with a man that wants to be with a woman who is stupid or calls herself stupid, and I don’t want to be selling myself short to other people in general.

What out for this shit ladies.



I’ve been postless for a while now, the cause for that also being the cause for this post. I was seeing one guy for a while in a somewhat serious way, though that ended mutually just a few days ago.

I always knew it wasn’t a long term thing for several obvious reasons, but along the way he said some stuff that really sealed the deal. I thought that it might be fun to make a list right here of all of the garbage things that this guy said to me over the course of our relationship. I suppose this will double as a venting exercise as well.

1. Sometimes you sacrifice and allow yourself to feel pain and discomfort to sexually please someone that you love.

HELL TO THE NO. I will NEVER put myself in pain or extreme discomfort no matter how much I love someone. Just because I am in a relationship does not mean that I sacrifice the standards I have for my own body. I will never love someone else more than I love myself.

For some context: this arose because he, like every fuckin guy ever, wanted to do anal. I told him a billion times that I’ve tried anal with every relationship I’ve ever been in to finally realize that I hate it and it hurts so bad that I literally cry afterwards. So this mofo tells me that in relationships you do stuff like that for the person you love. NO BITCH. If you loved me you would not want to feel sexual pleasure while I was in extreme unwanted physical pain. Fuck you.

2. Sometimes sex isn’t about both people.

Hmmmm… Sex is about both people. Sometimes one person doesn’t cum or you try something new for the one of you that is into it or whatever but at no time is my sex not for me. That is what prostitutes are for. Men have this fantasy that we get all sorts of pleasure from getting them off because that is literally what society teaches them. I get that sometimes it’s hot to have a quickie in a non-traditional way, you know, one of those times you spontaneously just like bend over or whatever. But if we are in bed and have all the time in the world we are both gonna get off.

ALSO, I should not have to ASK you to get me off, are you kidding? You cum and then we’re just done?! You don’t care whether or not I get off? Wtf is that?! What kind of man are you?! Not tryna play to gender roles here so…what kind of HUMAN are you?!?

I would tell him in these situations that it made me upset and he would act like I was some kind of sex maniac for being upset. I always said to him, “imagine if every single time we had sex I got off and then you only got off when I ‘felt like it'”. One time he was supposed to sleepover but then literally got up and started getting dressed to go home because I told him I shouldn’t have to ask. But for REAL….IMAGINE if you had sex with a man and you came and then just rolled over to go to bed…he would be FURIOUS. Imagine how a man would react to that…

3. Shut up.

DO NOT EVER TELL ME TO SHUT UP. Towards the end of the relationship he would say this to me constantly. I’m not talking about joking around or teasing, he would constantly tell me to shut up if he didn’t like what I was saying, or if he wasn’t in the mood to talk, or honestly I don’t know why he’d say it sometimes. RESPECT ME because I deserve it.

4. You’re dramatic and what you’re saying about me is made up in your head.

None of my feelings were ever valid. If I said something he didn’t want to hear it was just “me being dramatic”. I asked him once if he would tell me I was being dramatic if he hit me and I was upset about it. Regardless of whether or not you think my feelings are an overreaction these are my feelings and I can’t change them. To mediate them I try to communicate so we can talk it out so that I DON’T become overdramatic.

I told this fucker that I felt he was losing interest in me and he told me it was all made up. MEANWHILE he has stopped cuddling me at night, refuses to kiss me almost all the time, DELETED THE PICTURES HE HAD OF ME OFF HIS SOCIAL MEDIA, comments on other girls posts with tongue emojis and shit, and is posting constantly online about how he is bored and things he looks for in women, etc as if this fucker is already single…..those things are FACTS? You actually did those things. It seems that he was experiencing a touch of Donald Trump syndrome.

5. I take too long to cum.

No words.

He said that the reason he wouldn’t get me off every time was because his wrist would hurt from touching me for too long. It’s not like I take a half hour it’s literally maximum like 5-7 minutes maximum. Also maybe I would cum faster if you would eat the fuckin pussy!!!! I blew him all the time and over the course of 7 months he only went down on me twice. The kicker is that he would always post on his ratchet ass Instagram account memes about eating pussy, loving to eat pussy, his “tongue game”. One time I said “who’s pussy you been eating? Cause it’s not mine.”

Because I can relate somewhat…you know I’ve been there where you’re sucking dick so long that it’s painful…so I proposed a solution. I said we could get a vibrator and he could use that on me and it would be more effective and would take less effort on his part. And this guy told me he “wasn’t into that”. New solution: WE’RE OVER.

Today’s lesson: trust your gut when you know something is wrong. I knew when he said this stuff to me that he was not the kind of person that I wanted, nor the kind of person that deserved my time, attention, sex, or love. Cut the cord before feelings get hurt once you know something is off. Save yourself from douche bags like this. You won’t regret it.



“Mike inspired my sexual career as I know it to this day.”

This post is about someone that I love very much. His soul is one that was destined for mine, yet is trapped in a body that makes it impossible for us to be together.

Mike was a Tinder match that never should have gone anywhere.

He was/is significantly older than me. 17 years older to be exact. We talked on Tinder and exchanged numbers. He would text me sweet nothings about how beautiful I was. One time he told me I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. No man had ever called me a woman before.

I didn’t take him seriously at first. I’m not sure when that changed. I do remember that one night, after drinking, we briefly talked on the phone. It was the first time that I acknowledged the reality of his existence. He was no longer just a text message. I remember that after we hung up I called him right back and told him that I wanted to hear his voice one more time. We went on one date when he was nearby, but after that I wouldn’t see him again in person until a year later.

From there we spoke all the time. We spoke over the phone almost every day. He listened to me. He would listen to me about school and about my friends and about my family. I could get drunk and cry to him about how I hated myself and he didn’t care.

I learned about his life. I learned that he had his own contracting business, he was a boxer, he had lots of Native American style tattoos, he was a functional alcoholic who’s father died of alcoholism, he had a brother named Bryan, he owned multiple properties, he drove a big black truck, one time he got a DWI for falling asleep drunk in his old white truck, he used to smoke pot and do lots of drugs in his youth, he didn’t go to college, he was from Massachusetts, he wore a lot of graphic t-shirts, his family had a home in Newport where he would go binge drink every other weekend during the summers, he wore a Fit Bit, he had a female best friend named Liz….

More importantly I learned that he had been in a slew of long term relationships, none of which turned out to be successful. He wanted a family and kids, but it never happened. One time he had a dog but his ex took the dog when they broke up. One of his relationships was an open relationship, and they as a couple had a girlfriend that would sleepover sometimes.

Mike was very sexually adventurous. He was bicurious. One time he slept with a MtF transgender woman who still had male genitalia. Sometimes he would flirt with guys on dating apps, but he never slept with a masculine man. Or at least, he never admitted that to me.

Mike inspired my sexual career as I know it to this day. He and I became sexual pen pals. His biggest fantasy was to be with me and another man at the same time. He was a cuckhold guy.

One time, and I don’t remember who started it, the Daddy/(step)daughter thing came into play. Maybe I have daddy issues, I don’t know, but it stuck. We would role play all sorts of scenarios as these characters. We still role play this way to this day.

The summer between my junior and senior years of college, Mike got drunk on the fourth of July and texted me that he was in love with me. I asked him if he meant it. I didn’t believe that someone who didn’t make the time to see me for almost a year at this point could possibly be in love with me. Even scarier, I think I immediately knew that I felt the same way.

I kind of brushed that first occasion off, but then it happened again, and again. I confronted him and told him he couldn’t say that to me anymore because it wasn’t fair.

One night I was out with some friends. Somehow we ended up at a strip club down the road from campus. I was the designated driver. Of all the nights that I had offered to drive to Mike’s house, which was only about an hour away, this time he finally said yes.

I dropped my friends off at their respective apartments, and then drove straight to his place. I didn’t even go home to get my wallet. I had to blow through an EZ Pass lane because I didn’t have any cash on me at all. He promised to give me cash to pay the ticket, and he did.

I was so nervous. I drove into his driveway and saw him standing up on the deck in the back. I couldn’t believe I was finally this close to him. I got out of my car, walked up the stairs, and fell directly into his arms.

We walked into his house and wasted no time. He pushed me up against a wall and we started kissing. We made our way upstairs, and he gave me the unofficial tour. We went into a bedroom and he sat down on a couch. I climbed onto his lap and took it from there.

We had sex and then cuddled all night long. When I woke up in the morning he took me to breakfast in his truck. I drove away that morning hopeful that things would be different now.

We went on one more date after that. He took me to an italian restaurant. Little did I know that it was going to be the last time I would see him, probably forever.

I am still in love with Mike and we still talk every day. While I was with my most recent ex I told Mike we could only be friends. That lasted until the last couple months of my relationship, at which point I broke down and could no longer deny that I still was in love with him.

We still sext all the time. It is the perfect set up because he loves the idea of me being with other men. When I sleep with someone else I get to tell him every last intimate detail, and he loves it.

We joke that we are going to get married. We joke that we are going to have babies. I wish any of that were true.

He told me we can never be together because of our age difference. He says he can never give me what I deserve. I feel like a dumb girl for believing that he actually loves me, but I do believe him.

We live even farther apart now that I graduated from school and moved away. The chances of us being together get slimmer and slimmer. I accept that.

I dream that one day I will finally be enough of an adult for him. He still tells me that he loves me and I reciprocate. I wonder how much we love each other, and how much we just love the fantasy that we have created.


Anonymous Bitch