So first of all I’m stoned and I just went on a really shitty date. What a waste of a fucking night. Anyways…
We went to dinner. The conversation was bad. This was our third date but it was the worst. We shared a milkshake which was pretty cute.
He was supposed to come home with me. We had discussed even before the date that I wanted him to come over. We had already slept together once.
We went up to my apartment and we could hear that there were people talking inside. He freaked out. I was like, “are you coming or not?” He hesitated so I said, “Alright just go home then.” So he did.
Like I said…waste of a fucking night.
The reason I wanted to write about this was not about how shitty the date was but more about something I realized about my behavior on the date.
I kept calling myself stupid. I called myself “stupid” and “dumb” multiple times.
Why the fuck would I call myself stupid? I don’t think I’m stupid. I don’t think that people think I’m stupid. I’m not a rocket scientist but I am a smart person.
Did I think that a man would like me more if I was stupid?
For some context: he is a “machine learning engineer”, basically he programs artificial intelligence robots. I work in sales. He would tell me about his job and my socialized ass was trying to somehow compliment him by putting myself down?
Not sure what’s up with that but I’m going to make sure I don’t do that ever again. I don’t want men to think I’m stupid, I don’t want to be with a man that wants to be with a woman who is stupid or calls herself stupid, and I don’t want to be selling myself short to other people in general.
What out for this shit ladies.