For my first ever blog post, I figured I’d establish a bit of context for everything that is to come. Get it, to come…
Everyone has at least a few sexual milestones in their lives that have shaped their sexual identity over time. Here are mine from my life to date.
- 2002 – A girl named Margaret tells me what sex is for the first time on our bus ride home from school. She didn’t get all the facts right, but it was the first time I was ever aware of the concept of sex.
- 2008 – One of my friends tells me how to masturbate.
- 2009 – I lose my virginity to my best friend’s cousin and then proceed to lie to her about it for four years. She is still my best friend.
- 2009 – I am raped by two neighborhood boys who were close friends of mine since childhood. They gave me spiked drinks with sleeping pills in them.
- 2011 – I get blackout drunk and have sex with a girl. She is the girl who told me how to masturbate back in 2008. She is also still one of my best friends.
- 2011 – I meet my first love and experience my first “man-made” orgasm, aka not self induced.
- 2014 – I experienced my first heart break, followed by about 12 months of out of control promiscuity. I’m talking like a solid 20 notches on my belt over the course of the year. Get ready for several more 2014 bullet points.
- 2014 – On what would have been me and my ex’s anniversary, I host a “break up party” to drink away my feelings and get laid. The night ends with me dislocating my jaw on a black guy’s dick. No joke I was giving him head and all of a sudden I realized I could no longer shut my mouth. It didn’t hurt, but I was freaking out. My friends took me to the emergency room and the doctors had to knock me out with propofol (the drug that killed Michael Jackson) so that they could jam my jaw back into my face. Despite everything, that guy and I continued to sleep together for a whole year following the incident.
- 2014 – I meet my sugar daddy. He is an ex-college football player, accountant, and single father of one who becomes obsessed with me. I later find out that maybe he wasn’t so single because he announces on Instagram on Father’s Day that he is soon to be the father of two, with the same baby mama. They have since had that child and recently got engaged.
- 2014 – I have group sex at my 21st birthday party. Three guys plus me and one other girl. Let me just say, no regrets.
- 2015 – I find out I am pregnant. I immediately decide to have an abortion without thinking twice. I am early enough along that all I need to do is take a pill that costs $500. It is a relatively painless experience that I never once felt bad about choosing. Some judgey “friends” from college made me promise them that making the choice “wasn’t easy for me”, but I was just lying to appease them. It was super easy.
- 2015 – I am raped again. Again by two men. It happens in my own bed. I begin to pursue pressing charges. A police officer at my university tells me he spoke with the assailants and they “seemed like normal guys” so he isn’t sure “why they would do that”. I decide not to press charges. My roommate tells me this is why I shouldn’t invite strangers into our apartment.
- 2017 – Three months after dumping my college boyfriend, I find out that he has posted nude photos of me on a revenge porn website and included my full name and link to my Instagram page. I have to get a lawyer to get the pictures taken down and to send my ex a cease and desist letter. The last ever communication I will ever have with him is an email from him to my lawyer that includes him referring to me as Ms. (my real last name here).
Does any of this tell you anything about my sexual identity yet? You might think I am a slut. You might think I am a victim. In reality I’m just another person.